"It's Not You It's Me"
So Easy to Say in a Breakup. So Difficult to Admit in Parenting.
Children Reflect Back to Us The Things We Haven’t Accepted in Ourselves
Last week I was getting really annoyed with my 7 year old. He was being sooooo negative spouting off “that’s stupid” about almost everything. It was really pushing my buttons and it felt extremely negative and judgmental.
I want him to be honest and share his opinion and I believe there is definitely a place and time to call things stupid, because let’s face it - there are stupid things and people in this world and sometimes it’s the most appropriate word to describe a situation.
He’s old enough to know what that word means and to understand how to use it properly. I had been asking him nicely to use other words to help me understand what stupid means to him because just saying stupid sounds really negative.
And then I’d give him some ideas to help him describe what he thinks is stupid.
For example, I suggested he could say: “I don’t want to go to the park because they have a little kid play structure” instead of just responding with “that’s stupid” so I would at least know what his definition of “stupid” meant in that specific situation.
This went on for about a week. Then one day I went pick him up from Ninja Camp and they were watching a video of people doing the long jump and in front of the coach and other ninja kids, he spouted off, “that’s stupid!”
I was embarrassed and I corrected him (and so did his coach) by saying “hey, let’s use positive words.”
“The things we dislike most in others are the characteristics we like least in ourselves.”
―Marian Keyes,Rachel's Holiday
Gulp. The truth sucks.
Well, later that evening, while doing the dishes and listening to the TV blare as my kids watched the tube, I was dumbfounded when I heard myself spout off: “That’s stupid!”
Wait, what?? I WAS THE BAD INFLUENCE ON MY KID? Seriously?!
Oof, that’s a kick in the gut.
So needless to say that when we make requests, demands or try to hold our kiddos accountable for their behavior, do a second take in the mirror and reflect on your own actions.
We are far more powerful when our words and actions match than we will ever be when they don’t!
Until next time, be well Fellow Cycle Breaker!
