You Can't Build Anything in the Middle of a Sh*t Storm
Stop Trying and Give Up - Wisdom From the Trenches
This weekend was a bust.
I say it was a bust because I hit a wall. Not literally of course, although I am clumsy so it does happen from time to time. LOL
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On Saturday, I was feeling REALLY depressed.
I was having one of those days where I was letting my kids play on the xbox waaaay longer than I should have but I didn’t want to stop them because honestly I didn’t want to be a parent and engage them in fun activities like I “should.” Horrible I know.
Photo by Kinga Howard on Unsplash
What I really wanted to do was hit the “pause” button on adulting and curl up in a ball and go to sleep.
I was doing just fine the week before, and then boom - it all hit me like a ton of bricks….or like a brick wall.
Why was I in a funk? Thanks for asking…
Because I hadn’t “made it” YET!
Like you know, done anything world changing or awesome and I have all of these goals to write a book and change people’s lives.
To become like the next Brene’ Brown and stuff. Which is holy crap, a lot of pressure.
So there I was on Saturday just chilling doing life, drinking my coffee, getting annoyed with my kids like I usually do, feeling like a complete failure.
I know that I couldn’t “be productive” or work on anything meaningful. It would be a waste of time.
I also knew that if I fought it, I’d have to deal with the aftermath of shoving my emotional shit storm down so far I’d feel nauseous or if I distracted myself with youtube videos and margaritas I’d likely have a hang over and be super annoyed that I wasted four hours on a Saturday watching stupid cat videos.
I was for sure stuck in a “loser spiral” of emotions full of shame, guilt and self hate. For hours. Like all day…it sucked. There was no pulling myself out of this shit storm.
So how did I overcome this horrible day of self loathing?
Well, I did the craziest thing and gave up. I surrendered to it and just sat with the shitty way I was feeling.
I did nothing about it except feel like crap all day.
Then something oh so magical happened.
My internal sh!t storm cleared, the clouds parted and the sun began to shine through.
Once I allowed myself the freedom and permission to not fix it, change it, hide it or bury it - it passed.
Just like the frickin weather.
So here is my oh so plain and blunt wisdom for you as I close this post:
1. Don’t Fight the Shit Storm When it Shows Up:
Just let your emotions, thoughts and shitty feelings wash over you. Believe me the more you fight it the longer it will last.
2. Be Mindful of Your Projections:
Not sure if you are like this, but when I feel like crap about myself, I’m not that great around other people. Tell others you are dealing with inner demons and that if they don’t want to get their head bitten off, they might want to give you some space.
3. Accept that You are Messed Up:
It has taken me YEARS of therapy to get to a place where I am beginning to ACCEPT myself as I am without fixing or changing me. Acceptance is freedom. The sooner you accept that you are messed up and never going to be perfect (or like Brene’ Brown!) the easier it will be to move through the shit storm without judging yourself.
We all have internal shit storm moments or days, some of us are just now learning how to handle them without hurting ourselves or other people.
So as I close this post with curiosity and anxiety wondering if anyone cares or is really going to read it, I want to ask you one thing…
I feel like I could have written parts of this. The more I tried to fight myself, the more I would lose. Thank you for sharing!